Tuesday, March 15, 2005
i hate sch and i hate it.
there is always a problem with me. it never was gone. i am stilll psychotic as ever. wherever the problem lies. i dont know but i want to. ever since i walk into the new sch. i hate it. and it makes me hate myself. why why why.
i hate sch. i detest it. i dislike it and i HATE IT SO MUCH. its just the atmosphere that makes me sick. the first thought of going to sch in the morn makes my day rotten and stale.
all i need now is His love. i know its been there for me since the day i step into this mean world. but i cant seem to get it. something's blocking. yes something is. i have too much hatred to just spare. dont just talk sense into me. it doesnt work. my mind just doesnt wanna accept the fact that God is for me. i know i have forgiven myself. but why why do i keep thinking about absurd stuffs. dont tell me that you know how it feels, 'cos no one in the world can feel how other individuals feel. NO ONE. except my beloved Father. but why cant i feel His love again. i miss that feeling. i want that warmth and fatherly touch. again and again.
i want to be alone with You forever. i want it to be now. just now. i feeel so upset. i dont want to live. i want to be free from this mean world.
i just hate my school. i want to love it. but how. it justs makes me so ill.
-christine`
daily.wordz*
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the reason is You
