Saturday, September 17, 2005
BACK!
i've finally thought of what i wanna post. its just a sudden entry larh since this blog is like gonna decay sonner or later but i hope not!
yahs so its like.. hmmm.. i sort of figure out abt loads and loads of things. as in REALLY REALLY ALOT OF THINGS.
first things first, my mathematics. i tell you, i confirm will score a A2. nyahahaha.ok larh.. i list out my targets k. learnt it from CHERLYN!
O levels Target:
English A2
E.Math A2
Literature A2
Comb Sci A2
Comb Hu. B3
well it seems too impossible and i can see lots of imaginery looks on the faces of ppl. like, "oh wow! think too far alr." or maybe, " cant make it larh". but u know what.. i have been telling ppl i will get distinctions and they just laugh. i laugh at myself too. and its not cos of today's preaching that i start having confidence of getting distinctions. today's preaching just add tonnes of confidence to my past confidence which leaves me with OVERWHELMING WEIGHT OF CONFIDENCE. i am not being over-confidence or what but it sort of just brings up my self-esteem. ((:
so yah. i am aiming for 11 points and i shall get it. dont be surprised.. cos actually i am a very smart girl ok. just that i started to know more things in the outside world and start being very very "slack-ish". so however, I AM SMART LARH. yes now i can see the looks of disgust on some ppl's face like,"yah rightttt." oh yes i am right!
besides that, hmmm.. i have been studying real hard. but i still havent get a chance to start my humanities! argh! i shant brag abt how coincident today's preaching is with my life. cos the "yah rightttt" faces will come back again. I CAN SEE AND IMAGINE well. so enuff abt studying and now the personal life.
it dont really suck or what. but i am feelin' very very satisfied with myself. i dont know whats wrong or what but i just feel so contented with what i am doing now. and, i realised that i am not called to be a someone who can lead or what. like being an MM. its just not me. chuck away those experience of me being a prefect. its just rubbish larh. they go according to the acadamics. so happens i was still innocent then and i am now again! ha. ok maybe i am called to lead as a MM but i just dont know abt it larh. i feel that maybe i just want to be a normal youth. yes a normal youth. all this while.. i think i get to be a MM is cos of my own effort. and probably cos of my past? or maybe cos i am a senior in DARE. being and olevel retaker. i dont know. i just cant lead. i tend to be so observant that i end up disliking so many wonderful ppl. i comment. i give looks. i try hard to impress and be nice. ERGH! just sick of it. i want to be me! my own self. not bothering abt what ppl think or what.
so now let me see... who understands me? ah there, the warm big cuddly hand of Daddy is raising up. yes only Him. this is the reason why i feel so satisfied with myself. decisions i make has only need Him to support. my mind suddenly just open up that He loves me. and He truely truely loves me. so the decision of moving on, whether to be a MM or not.. He helps me to think. courage, maturity is all given by Him to me suddenly. who else can you trust but Him. who loves you more and gives you His only son, Him. all is Him. He is the beholder and i will be the one who empowers. ((:
oh and, i realised also that i got alot of ambitions. hahaha. like being an archaeologist, or marine biologist or egyptologist or a psychiatrist or a forensic scientist or being a detective or a social worker who builds orphanages and going overseas to help the poor. i dont know.. so many things i wanna do!! its mostly gotta do with mysteries and helping the poor. it sounds cliche but hey, these stuffs do exist.
i got so many things i wanna share but my hands are getting abit tired. haha. to keep it short i have decided to live everyday abundantly and be myself and have the attitude that goes yipee-doo-daa. and ppl should leave me alone and i am scared of guys and men. i just cant see them face to face. its so scary. i can talk to guys only thru something which doesnt allows me to see their face. and i have stage fright! and i dont like chirpy AA braggers. and i dont like impressing ppl no more.
but i love myself and Jesus loves me. the greatest love of all acc. to Darren and the greatest book, Bible. ((:
-christine
daily.wordz*
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the reason is You
